I've had this blog sitting in the edit section for awhile and decided it was about time to post it.
Our bright little star of a dog passed away almost 3 weeks ago. I have yet to pick up her remains and we are planning a burial in the backyard as soon as Sarah and I pick out a stone. Sometimes it seems like it happened months ago and sometimes (last night) it seems like yesterday. I am still sad about it. I still cry and there is still a little something missing in our daily life.
It was a life or death decision we had to make and definitely goes on the list of hardest decisions any person has to make. I have cried a lot over the little dog and at times that seems silly. Then Andy reminds me that we didn't lose just a dog, we lost a family member. He's right, completely right. As neglected as she was due to the arrival of kids, she was still very much a family member.
The silence at night seems odd sometimes. KC (our tiny now over-indulged, spoiled, much loved dog) is a pretty quiet sleeper but PJ was always moving around and chewing her paws and licking (due to her skin/allergy problems) or snoring. KC sleeps in her own little bed. PJ was up and down ours and on Andy's pillow or at his feet or my feet.
We got PJ as a little bitty puppy in 2002 shortly after we got married. She looked exactly like my dog growing up (Puppy) and we were hooked. We named her after that dog - she was Puppy Junior. She was a delight from the beginning - a small dog with big personality. She quickly took to chasing balls, which is something dogs as small as she was do not usually do. The tennis ball barely fit in her mouth but it was, by far, her favorite thing. She was always surprising people who dismissed her as just another lap dog. She had a big dog personality and a pretty loud bark to match. I remember on more than one occasion watching the look on people's faces when they tried to match the bark coming from behind the door to the little dog that appeared once the door was opened. It was pretty funny.
Little recent memories are everywhere. Taking the Christmas tree down and putting her ornament in the box. Looking at the tree and remembering that she kept drinking from the tree water and found that the tree was low enough to be a good back scratcher. She didn't seem to care if that involved knocking down low ornaments. Having to wash the blanket she slept on because it still has her white hair on it. Tapping my foot because a small piece of food has fallen on the floor and realizing that there would be no fight over it. Pulling out the Christmas toy of the kids that PJ enjoyed chasing (a warning to all Zhu Zhu pet owners).
We are moving on quickly but I am still really amazed at how much love a family can have for a little bitty dog. Remembering that, despite all the guilt over having made the decision to end her short life, it really was the best decision for her and for us. I do still wonder sometimes if we could have dealt with a blind dog and should we have given her that chance. Luckily, I still have the same answer. We did what was best for everyone.
So to end on a prayer for my first baby girl:
Dear God,
Please make sure that our PJ is happy and make her skin beautiful and not itchy. Show her all the color that her eyes can take in and give her someone to play tug of war with and throw a ball for her. Let her know that she was well loved and will never be forgotten. Amen.
